Sunday, August 31, 2008
Roommate Fun
Married
A couple months ago I changed my religious views on Facebook from "I love Jesus!" to "Married". A friend asked what I meant by it. My response was as follows:
You’re curious about my "married” religious views? I guess as I continue my relationship with God, it feels more and more like a marriage. There are good times and bad times, ups and downs, feelings of being in love and times when I don’t feel that way at all. I don’t feel like I’m in love right now. But during this time that sucks, I've come to a better realization that I do love God. I’m not going anywhere. I never made a "till death do us part” vow, but that’s the way it is. It feels like something’s been pushed through my flesh and affixed me to him (Deut. 15:16-17). Isaiah 54:5 says, “For your maker is your husband – the Lord Almighty is his name.” I'm married.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Out of Control
8/3/2008
I'm lacking in control these days. Despite determined efforts to direct my life in the direction I'd have for the day, I'm feeling pretty weak. It sucks.
I've been doing a lot of swimming these days because of my Achilles reconstruction (5/15/08). When swimming in an open body of water with a strong current, it only makes sense to swim one way if you want to get anywhere. Otherwise, you're kinda swimming in place or else doing some counter-productive swimming, most likely in a direction you don't want to go. The current always pushes.
A few days ago I was praying about some life decisions. At one point, I looked up in a moment of clarity and said, "I'm really not in control of this one. Am I, God?" Moments like that are kinda scary. For the most part, I think God puts the reigns of our lives in our own hands. I've prayed over big decisions before and have oftentimes heard answers like, "It's your life, Drew. Just make a choice." Of course, I've also received answers on the direction I should go. This one was different. I didn't feel like God was telling me anything. I just knew that regardless of what I'd do in the future, regardless of any decision I'd make, I would be completely helpless in the direction I would ultimately take. I can only hope to quickly figure out which way this current is pushing. It's pretty damn strong.
Anointing
6/13/2007
The subject of God's anointing has presented itself twice in the last couple days, so I'm here to write about it. Biblically, there is no secret that amongst his children, God chooses some to stand out in his kingdom. These people will do amazing works in his name. Some that immediately come to mind are Moses, David, Paul, and even some contemporary figures like Martin Luther King Jr. and Mother Teresa. There are others, anointed by God, whom you've never heard of. They plant churches. They write books. They preach or serve the poor. Regardless of what they do, as God's anointed he appoints and equips each of them to do something amazing.
A couple nights ago after praying with a woman at church, she told me of how her husband saw an anointing on me. This was at a prayer meeting a few weeks ago. During the meeting, he began to go from one person to the next, praying for them. When he turned to pray for me, he saw an anointing, big and thick, surrounding me. It was so powerful that he couldn't speak or move while near me. That's pretty intense stuff. Now there have been times in the past when I've heard things like this and been skeptical. You charismatics know what I'm talking about. You hear the person speak their "word" or prophecy. Then you nod your head a few times. And then you say you'll keep it in prayer. As you walk away you say, "Now THAT was kinda weird. You can do whatever you want with that one, God." That wasn't the case here. It was pretty convincing. A few years ago, I received a similar word in the form of a prophecy. This was from the pastor of a pretty major church. So I have to ask the question, "When, if ever, will this anointing manifest itself?"
Yesterday I ran across a guy with an anointing that cannot be questioned. When I met Charlie at my church's prayer meeting, my first impression of him was: Asian (probably Chinese), close to forty, a little out of shape, and he had a very soft voice. Based on some things he said before prayer and what others had to say afterward, Charlie has probably only been a Christian for a few months.
Prayer kicked off per the usual with opening prayers followed by intercessions for those on the church prayer list. During this time Charlie only offered two short prayers. One of them, however, led me to think, "Wow. This guy is probably listening to God pretty intently." As we began to exhaust the prayer list and slow down some, Charlie's prayers became more frequent, and they became more powerful. One prayer had me surprised as I knew the words were ministering to a life situation of the man next to me. I was then in awe as Charlie's words turned toward me. He prayed for desires in my heart that I myself had never addressed in prayer. From then on, I hoped for Charlie to pray something stupid just to bring him back to earth. It didn't happen. And as he continued to offer prayers, it really felt like God had decided to embody himself in this baby Christian across the room. It was almost creepy … like in Ghost when Patrick Swayze jumped into Whoopie Goldberg. All of our intercessory "Amen's" and "Yes Lord's" began to cease. I guess when God's speaking, trying to validate His words with "yes" or "amen" seems kinda silly.
If I have an anointing, it's not anything like Charlie's. When I started becoming serious about my faith, I often had my leaders shaking their heads. I'd always say something dumb in the most inappropriate of situations. I'd wrestle girls at Bible studies. I was 21 but acted like an 18 year old, immature beyond my years. I still am. I mean, God has grown me in many ways … but over the years I have rarely seen signs of an anointing. I've poured so much time, energy, and emotion into my relationship with God and into ministry, and it just hasn't yielded that much fruit. When am I going to see a real manifestation of this anointing? Or will this "anointing" simply continue to be something that hyper-spiritual people sit around and talk about?
I know God sees a bigger picture than I do. I'm thankful for it, because this calling to usher a region (the Sierra Nevada) back to repentance seems to be a much bigger shoe than I'll ever be able to wear. I need the Holy Spirit's help in this. And I'm not talking about help like when the teacher would stop by your desk in math. I'm talking about what the phone booth did for Clark Kent*. As for right now, I'll just continue to love God and love people the best I can. I trust in him and I know he'll work it all out in the end.
*Credit goes to Rod Parsley for the Holy Spirit / Clark Kent analogy.